Someone please make James Cameron stop writing Avatar sequels

The year is 2064. Avatar 2 is still in production and James Cameron sits alone in a room, lit only by the glow of an archaic laptop screen. His vintage Apple Watch lies dead on his wrist, his back permanently hunched after sixty solid years of script writing.

He jerks alive and smacks the desk with his hand. "I can't do it!" he cries into the blackness of the room. A startled rat makes a run for a hole near the door.

"I just can't make it fit into 34 movies. It simply cannot be done! The Na'vi story must be told. In full. With no footnote left unexplored!"

He breaks down in tears and a light breeze ruffles a paper on his desk. Dated 2015, the paper is titled Avatar 5: second draft.

• Avatar: masterpiece or tech for the sake of it?

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